Monday, April 15, 2019

I want myself


Maybe I want more
Maybe I need time
to put me on top
to put me where I belong
this is about me.
I deserve more and I don't want to blame myself anymore.
I will show my best.
I will bring happiness to myself.
I don't give any chance to sadness, blaming, fake, and lie.
Anymore.

Tired for Love


Love is one of the most profound emotions known to human beings. I find myself tired seeking for love. I never imagined myself saying that about anyone. I wanted to be in love, but I really didn’t think there was any way I’d be so in love with someone who reciprocated all the same feelings. I thought I was being patient and waiting on the right guy, but I wasn’t being patient or waiting at all.

Saturday, April 13, 2019

What do you want to do?


What do you want to do?
Until the end 0f 2018, I always said my goals or what I want to do is having a career in University. Being a lecturer, mom, and wife. I thought I knew what I wanted. I thought I wanted to be lecturer like my dad for the rest of my life. I thought it was for me. But is it? Lately, all I did is a focus to be a lecturer, studying or did anything to smooth my way to be a lecturer. But I do not enjoy. Then I ask myself, why? 
Why these dreams have gone? Where my motivation go? 
Then, I knew it. I want something different. I want something cool like working in a cool company then I can tell everyone where I work. LOL. Well, I'm not exactly knowing what I want to do, I apply in many many many job vacancies. Not everything but still thinking if I work in there, what I want to do. I already gave up because it never moves forward. They don't see my application and then yesterday, one application which is 3 months ago have good news. Not exactly I got that job, I still have some of the stages to get that. But I mean, it gives me hope. Hope I can be that person, I can be the one who wears good clothes and good shoes and maybe trying living alone in a big city. 
My point is, anyone can change their plans, what they want in life, anytime any ages. Do the best, be the best of yourself. Change what you want, be better. Live life you have and don't regret it. 
anyway, I feel lonely. Haha. Maybe I am happy by myself, but I still miss him. Like a lot. I just want to be like before, how he looks at me or how he takes care of me. How he called me, how he text me, how he told me his day, what he's thinking etc. Then I realize, he can't be like that anymore, it's simply he lose his interest for me and he loses his love for me. Maybe before he loved me like he never loved anyone before. But today, he pushes me away like what we have been through is nothing for him. And I give up. Like what can I do to fix this? nothing right? 
It's not me, it's him. Someone who can be fixing anything. 
I just want him happy. I can do anything to make him happy. 

YM

Thursday, April 11, 2019

I'm So In Love

I'm so in love 
with you
I'm so in love 
until
I forgot how to love 
myself
I'm so in love
with everything 
I have 
I'm so in love
until 
my tears dry
I'm so in love
until 
you decided
I'm so in love 
and 
You Walk Away
I'm so in Love
and 
We Stop

YM


Friday Giving



What have you given to someone else today? Smile? Greetings? Maybe say hello to the old man who accidentally passing you? It has the power to change lives; changes someone.
You are possible to give everything. 
Love can be a present. 
A smile can be a present. 

It’s important to appreciate the little things in life. 
We tend to get so obsessed on the material things, we lose sight of our purpose. If money isn’t a worry things in your life and you can afford most things, share the love. 
If you can barely afford to feed yourself, still, share the love.
Life can get tough and throw random we don’t expect, but all we need to remember is we’re alive today.


This man
Every day, he sits with his wife under the tree. Waiting for someone to buy, with his smile and pray. 
He told me, all his kids move to another city and never come back since they left them. He said, he is thankful to God because his wife never left him alone. Both waiting and sometimes he fondling her. Someday I see she hold his hand. I don't have any twitter account and I can tell people with "Twitter please do your magic" twit. 
For me, that kind of twit shows how people don't care what happens in outside. You do not need people to tell you how to be care, kind, or help people. You just need to open your eyes.  
So, 
Tell to yourself and remember 



“The only person, you should try to be better than is who you were yesterday.”- Kaizen

YM



Under the Tree



Old man
Under the tree
sit

Wait

Hold

His true love
Forever


YM

Wednesday, April 10, 2019

Underestimate others



It is easy for someone to find out one small fact about another person and immediately begin to underestimate them without realizing it. Because of this, so many of us are being underestimated for circumstances out of our control.
No, it’s not about me being underestimated from someone. I never underestimate others. I believe people have their own time. Maybe later, maybe one year later or maybe tomorrow they have their own path to be the success. Maybe they have their own path but they never come out to show how incredible their world to you. Everyone has a story, and it can be creepy to open up and share it. Whether it’s a family member, a friend, or a stranger you’re talking to for the first time, you can have a chance to bring that person a perspective that might not have been known before. You don’t have to share your life with every person you meet, but misinformation and lack of understanding play a huge part in the under-appreciation of others.
I believed people have their path to be success in their field. You can’t compare an athlete to president or lawyer to doctor or chef to an artist. As a human, we need to support each other. You never know how sharp your word until that person getting depressed by your word.
Underestimate will make parents push their kids to not follow their passion, or depressed. Underestimate will make someone try to suicide and underestimate make people anxious. So for everyone you know, or maybe you. Stop Underestimate others, stop using sharp word talk to others. If it’s you, please be better, be humans, and spread the love.

YM

Bullied


In the last few days, I read about bullies which were quite surprising. Why? because of how serious injuries to the victim. At least three girls or twelves (?) assault one junior high school girl. They kicked, pulled her hair and make her vagina's injured. I just can't understand, how humans or young generations in Indonesia become bullying? 
They are bullying everywhere. Instagram, schools, neighborhood, family meeting, and public space. Stranger or your relatives. Everybody bullying others. 

Being bullied. 
What do you know about bullying?
In research, 1 in 2 people experience bullying. Bullying is bad behavior. There are many different types of bullying such as physical, verbal, social and cyber. In Indonesia's new cases, it's a real example of physical bullying. 

What we know about bullying? Some people say it's about jealousy, hate, anger, and insecurity from home. Yes, its start from home.  Kids copying what they see, hear, and learn from where they grow up. Maybe from their parents, family, movies or dramas. 
and 
How dealing with bullying?
Never go through it in silence
Speak
louder
and 
fight



Y.M

Dear Mine



Dear mine, 

Its been a while since I've dreamed of you. 
I am not a girl anymore. Who's queen bee.
Who is terrified to think about our future? 
I may be sick, but in no longer dying. 
For the first time, In a long tired time. 

I'm let on myself to dream of my future. 

You. Unknown. A stranger. 

I believe I get a chance at one day. 
As I'm dreaming of everything I want in my life. 
You popped I many times in my head. 

Someone who still God secrets. 



I wonder who you are and how our story will be. 


I wonder how you look like, or if we have already met?

I wonder what our love will be like for you. 

And for me. 
I wonder how you'll accept all of me. 
My messy past, my love, my nightmare. 
I fear how you will be able to deal with the worst parts of my life. 



But, as a matter of fact. 

I know every person is broken in some way. 

You may have parts of yourself that you don't like. 

But loving you, my lovely broken pieces and all is going to be worth it. 

Just like loving me, broken pieces is going to be worth it. 



I've learned and finally come to believe if we are infinitely more than the things we hate about ourselves. 
Love always,
Yours


Y.M

Tuesday and Cloud



I was dumped
Crying, broken, sad, sorrow.
With your dreams. 
That became ours. 


Y.M

I Call Myself a Woman


I call myself a woman. 
With heart, mind, like you. 
I was broken.
I was hurt.
I miss
To be loved 
To be missed. 
By someone. 
I call myself a woman. 
Who Cry. Laugh. Smile. Love. Help
I tried. I fixed. I failed. 
Time passed. 
I call myself a woman. 
Looked a mirror. Grief. 
I lose myself. A woman.
Strong. Cheers. Love. Myself. Value.
I call myself a woman. 
Running. 
Woke up. 
Grow.
Learn. 
I call myself a woman. 
                                                          Y.M

Today, after one year we (me and my blogs) promise to study harder. HAHA And what happened in one year? nothing happens. Time flies so fast....