What do you want to do?

What do you want to do?

Until the end 0f 2018, I always said my goals or what I want to do is having a career in University. Being a lecturer, mom, and wife. I thought I knew what I wanted. I thought I wanted to be lecturer like my dad for the rest of my life. I thought it was for me. But is it? Lately, all I did is a focus to be a lecturer, studying or did anything to smooth my way to be a lecturer. But I do not enjoy. Then I ask myself, why? 

Why these dreams have gone? Where my motivation go? 

Then, I knew it. I want something different. I want something cool like working in a cool company then I can tell everyone where I work. LOL. Well, I'm not exactly knowing what I want to do, I apply in many many many job vacancies. Not everything but still thinking if I work in there, what I want to do. I already gave up because it never moves forward. They don't see my application and then yesterday, one application which is 3 months ago have good news. Not exactly I got that job, I still have some of the stages to get that. But I mean, it gives me hope. Hope I can be that person, I can be the one who wears good clothes and good shoes and maybe trying living alone in a big city. 

My point is, anyone can change their plans, what they want in life, anytime any ages. Do the best, be the best of yourself. Change what you want, be better. Live life you have and don't regret it. 

anyway, I feel lonely. Haha. Maybe I am happy by myself, but I still miss him. Like a lot. I just want to be like before, how he looks at me or how he takes care of me. How he called me, how he text me, how he told me his day, what he's thinking etc. Then I realize, he can't be like that anymore, it's simply he lose his interest for me and he loses his love for me. Maybe before he loved me like he never loved anyone before. But today, he pushes me away like what we have been through is nothing for him. And I give up. Like what can I do to fix this? nothing right? 

It's not me, it's him. Someone who can be fixing anything. 

I just want him happy. I can do anything to make him happy. 

YM